Building my own self esteem

This is an area I really need to focus on.  This is something I really need to stop and think about and realize I am who I am and I have people in my life who love me the way I am and the way I look now.  BUT I have to love myself too.  How do I love myself when I am so disgusted with what I have to see in the mirror everyday.  I hate mirrors.  I really wish I didnt have to look in a mirror or a reflection in a window when we are walking past a building.  I hate seeing myself and what I look like in a reflection or in a mirror.  I need to learn to love myself.  I need to understand that I was once this BIG girl.  I once was 85-90 lbs heavier than I am now and much more unhealthy.  Yes I have a lot more to lose.  But if I did it before I can do it again.

I have a man in my life that tells me I am beautiful and sexy everyday.  And I just beat myself up and say I am fat and ugly.  Why?!?!  Because that is what I honestly feel like and what I honestly see when I look at myself in a reflection or in a mirror.  I want more than anything to feel comfortable in my own skin and be confident in what I am wearing and what I look like.  I want more than anything to feel beautiful and sexy.  I feel bad for upsetting him when he tells me I am beautiful and sexy and I put myself down. 

So this is what I have to work on.   And I am going to try and make it a point to say something positive about myself daily.  :)