What I am gonna miss the most..

Ok yea I know two post within a hour or so. BUT I just cant help it. I am hurting sooo bad and have no other outlet. I honestly didnt think I would hurt THIS bad. I knew I would hurt but not this bad. It is complicated. VERY complicated. More than I care to share. BUT here are a list of things that I am going to miss the most about my dear friend Steve who now is no longer in my life... As I type through tears sooo please forgive any typos. :(

1. That smile- can brighten my day in a heartbeat.
2. Seeing him looking at me from across the room and that right there brings a smile to my face.. once look from him and he could make me smile.
3. His sense of humor- we could lay in bed and laugh over the stupidest things but it felt great.
4. His advice- he was always there to offer advice when I needed it most.
5. The sweet notes left telling me that he loves me and he is thinking of me.
6. Calling me baby.. this one for me is gonna be hard to not hear anymore. Only one other person ever called me baby and that was my grandfather. :(
7. The text messages, the sweet simple text messages saying "I love you" or "Hope you have a good night at work" Something just as simple as that. I will miss!
8. I am going to miss the cuddling and holding each other and falling asleep.
9. Waking up next to him and smiling
10. The kisses on my shoulder in the morning when he wakes up.
11. I am going to miss talking to him about his business and hearing how things are going.
12. I am going to miss hearing about work when he came home.
13. I am going to miss him tickling me all the time. YES I will miss this! :(
14. I am going to miss him always trying to play with my belly button and me telling him "No belly button"
15. I am going to really miss those sound bites.. I still have every single one of them and beat myself up by listening to them.
16. I will miss hearing him sing in the car.
17. I will miss having his boys around.
18. I am going to miss him calling me a "snot brat"
19. I am going to miss holding hands with him and always being so close to him even in public.
20. I am just going to FLAT OUT MISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything about him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

I could go on... I could list many.. many more!! But you get the picture.

God please give me the strength to get through this ... I thought I was stronger than I am. My weakness is overbearing. And I need strength and lots of it. I havent cryed this much in YEARS and I dont think my heart has been this hurt since my very first true love ... and that was when I was 19 years old. Sometimes when you click with someone it just seems to hurt worse when it doesnt work out. Steve and I clicked very well. I had a few minor communication problems but we could have worked through them if given a chance. We were always on the same level.. thinking the same things, saying the same things. Have a lot in common. Etc... It just hurts to lose him when I put in so much effort to get where I was before he just up and left me. But welcome to life. It is full of hurt ... full of pain for me anyways. I dont know if I will ever see happiness. I saw if for a VERY short period with Steve... and I could have gotten used to it. I am getting off track here. I am rambling. I just wanted to list the most important things I will miss about this man. This man that captured my heart and now has it thrown on the floor in many many peices and I have to pick it up and try and move on. It is gonna hurt for a long time. A very long time.

So I will end with this quote:

I might not get to see you as often as I'd like, I may not get to hold you in my arms at night, but deep in my heart I know that it's true. No matter what happens... I will always love you.

Author-Unknown

I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get though anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is shattering.

Author-Unknown